Remember me?

Hi there readers, friends, Nation-watchers and surfers looking for "nikki osborne + boobs"

I haven't abandoned you.

However I have been on temporary leave for a myriad of reasons. These include: holidays, special projects, study, extra work and a really annoying problem with my router that has me currently stretching a 20 metre cable through my house. I almost forgot that I haven't had much to say either.

Re:soundings will have new posts from next week.

But before I go...

WTF happened to Nikki? She has just slipped from our screens without a word.

Yours
L
x x

Mick Celebrates Nine Shows with Nothing New

I know, what would this blog be if it weren't for Mick Molloy and his shambolic show The Nation to write about?

But stuff it, it's my blog and if I choose to dissect his latest foray into late, or should I say late-late night television, I will.

With a brief shift into half-decent entertainment last week, The Nation slipped firmly back into mediocrity last night. You probably missed it so I'll give you the juice here:

• Secret Women's Business returned with Amanda Keller and Julia Zemiro. I love Julia Zemiro - she's a sharp cool/daggy mix all bundled up into an extremely appealing package. Amanda Keller has quite a few fans, she can think on her feet and brandishes a whip-smart motormouth, she's not my cup of ginger zinger with a dash of honey but she knows how to work it. Unfortunately these two couldn't save Mick's show. What is it with the whole 'Secret Women's Business' angle and the kitschy graphic of 1950's housewives anyway?
• Last week Kate Langbroek appeared in a sketch and later as a guest. Even though she chatted with Mick about having three kids and putting her rock and liquor-loving husband on a curfew - she didn't have to be introduced under the guise of revealing 'Secret Women's Business'. Mind you, she worked brilliantly with Mick, asking him about still being single and laughing good-naturedly at her own expense. It really drove home the two very important lessons that Mick and his brothers should learn - casting and chemistry.
• It appears that Akmal and Jackie O now alternate their spot at the desk each week. Hmmm one week vapid celeb goss (with credibility-raising laptop prop) at least two days past its use-by date and the next...current affairs with a comedic twist. Apparently you can see that connection from the moon.
• It seems that Nikki Osborne has left the building. No-one noticed. Maybe she's out trying to find a third k to put into her name? Will she reappear as one of the chicks on Aerobics Oz Style? Mick's already put it on record that nailing one of those beauties is one of his things to do before he dies.
• Dave O'Neil was a guest, talking up his new book 'Everything Tastes Better Crumbed' and appearing as a slobby Tour de France racer. I love Dave, and quite frankly I think he's onto something with his crumbing adventure. I mean even eggplant, which I despise, is edible once dipped in crumbs and dripping in saturated fat.
• Tiffany Cherry really is very good. But must we intersperse her sporting segments with pervy bikini shots from Natalie Gulbis' latest FHM spread?

It looks like The Nation is going to be allowed to see out its run of eleven or twelve shows. I doubt it will get renewed but it serves as a great case study into how to make good television.

I'm not going to bang on about casting, chemistry, instincts, forethought or good writing. I'm not going to waffle on about getting more funny women on our small screens. I'm not going to open the window and scream out "Mick you're not a host! Produce by all means, but don't make yourself a star." Why would I?

Last-minute Secret Women's Biz

I know what you're thinking - this chick is obsessed with Mick Molloy and The Nation. Right? Well I guess I am extremely interested in the fortunes of this show. I just can't leave it alone. If you're reading this then you're probably border-line obsessed too, the show is five weeks old.

But I'm guessing you're feeling disappointed like I am. You remember the D-Generation on radio, The Late Show on the ABC, Mick Molloy in a white helmet being squashed into a cannon by Rob Sitch, Mick Molloy and Tony Martin dressing up as a donkey (?) and sneaking into the Job Warehouse in Melbourne. You think of those times and remember how much you admired that team, you wanted to see what they would do next, you looked forward to watching television and maybe you haven't had that same passion for a show since?

And that's what's missing. Where's all the fun gone? Where's all the passion? It's obviously still with certain members. Tony Martin could never be accused of being unenthusiastic in his research and preparation for his hilarious two hour daily radio program. The Working Dog team have brought us The Panel and Thank God You're Here, they're creating new shows. Shows that they would like to watch themselves if they were sitting around at home instead of chatting at a desk or judging improv from the audience.

The Panel didn't start out as a perfect show. The numbers changed, the cast changed, the format got tweaked but eventually they found their happy place and sat there very comfortably. It wasn't always exciting, it wasn't controversial, it wasn't ground-breaking but it was interesting, live and usually very good viewing. Thank God You're Here is a solid performing show. It rates well. The guests change weekly so that you are bound to have at least one very good performance at least. (I have issue with their one woman per show policy - but I'm hoping that will be rectified this season.) It's real family viewing with a broad appeal that isn't done much these days. Both these shows have something going for them that The Nation lacks - the creators, guests and cast look like they are enjoying themselves. They look like they care. It appears that some thought has gone into each episode and it also seems that they know their audience.

So what is Mick Molloy thinking? In the first five weeks of The Nation we have had:

• One musical act closing the show


• One fake vox pop segment


• Three episodes of a mock soap "Guantanamo Bay"


• Five stupid entertainment reports from Jackie O


• One political guest Peter Garrett


• One sporting guest Andrew Bogut


• Akmal at the desk each week


• One special guest appearing in sketches, Stephen Curry


• Some mock-imitations from Gary Eck (I think two)


• The addition of Pete Smith as on-camera voice overs


• Gratuitous perving (see sport report last week)


• Mock sponsors that included a designer surgical gown and designer colostomy bag (neither were funny)


• The Chaser boys as guests (complete with a very funny sketch imagining their show on Nine)


• Nikki Osborne doing pretty much sweet FA


• And now the Molloy Boys have decided to add a bit of female content at the last minute by inviting Amanda Keller and Fiona O'Loughlin on to chat about "Secret Women's Business".

It was obviously a last-minute addition to the show. Keller had worked up a bit of material on an advertisement about post-baby breast surgery. Keller can do this stuff standing on her head. O'Loughlin is really one of our best comedians and extremely likable but it didn't seem like she had been given much time to prepare for what was obviously a cobbled-together idea.

Part of me is pleased that Molloy is trying something different, trying to appeal to a broader audience and not catering to the blokey market but then again the whole thing is quite insulting. What took him so long and why didn't he think about this more in the first place? This show is being created on the run, that's just lazy tv. Who did he think was going to watch this show? His fans from the D-Gen and Late Show days would be in their thirties/forties by now, there are no fans from his previous solo effort on telly and let's face it - he's no Hamish or Andy or Rove.

He's a forty year-old bloke, unmarried, no kids and with a fairly large chunk of disposable income. Young chicks aren't tuning in to catch the hot spunks. High-brows aren't tuning in for the cutting-edge satire. Women tuned out in the first week because of the cast list of male comedians and girly dolly-birds and the Ralph TV ads. Old faithfuls have tuned out because he's a disappointment and not offering what they thought he would and a new audience can't find anything to grip onto. Are there going to be vox pops, comedians, sketches, live music, secret women's business or something altogether different next week?

Don't get me wrong, there is room for show of this kind on television. But unfortunately Mick and his brothers aren't making it happen. Molloy said it best when he closed the show last night: "A week is a long time in television."

The Nation - Episode 2

After what I have already had to say here and here and here and here I thought you would be sick of reading my thoughts on Mick Molloy's intriguing mish-mash The Nation. But judging from the stats - I was clearly wrong.

So you want to know what I thought of episode 2?


I thought it was a slight improvement but still has a long way to go. Perhaps this is best said in pictures.













Welll do you girls?













If the dismal ratings and varied reactions are anything to go by then some changes need to be made. Otherwise it's off to the crap heap with Libbi Gore and her plastically enhanced mates from The Catch-Up.





So what would I do differently?

• Never sign on all the talent at the start. Remember when The Panel started? They had a six-seater desk and a set panel. It didn't take long for them to realise that five was better than six and that a revolving panel worked better. Then they could keep the same formula but freshen it up each week with some changing faces. Obviously you have a regular crew but you share it around - like they do with Thank God You're Here. So instead of having Akmal sitting at the desk each week - have someone different. There are absolutely heaps of amazing, talented, local comedians out there - bring them on. People who don't like Akmal are already tuning out but if next week Greg Fleet or Denise Scott or Cal Wilson is going to be doing the desk chat and the punter likes him/her - they're back.



• If you're going to do vox pops do them well - not some pathetic poor imitation of something The Chaser boys might have done.



• Don't disrespect your female audience. Please. Hire some more writers. Hire some female ones. Lose the Ralph TV ads. Don't have hot young ladies fluffing about and average-looking forty-something blokes providing the funny. It doesn't wash. I mean this with no disrespect at all to Nikki Osborne, Tiffany Cherry and Jackie O. They are three fine looking ladies who all have some talent. But what are they required to do? Honestly, Osborne has brought absolutely nothing to this show - maybe she's tried but the Molloy Boys can't see her doing anything other than copping a feel from Calleja in an ordinary sketch?



• Lose the sport and entertainment bits. If people really want to know about this they don't want to see it here. The entertainment segment is nothing more than an opportunity to talk about Hollywood startlet trainwrecks and if we want to know about this sort of stuff we'll just log onto one of the many, many websites covering it.



• How about using some more local talent with a vox pop/video segment? Did you see Lawrence Leung's show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival? You should have. He has a couple of hilarious short video segments that include him trying some awkward pick-up techniques on the ladies and also doing some excellent breakdancing in a local competition. Use him. Get some other local talent to try their hand at it too.



• Mick Molloy - make a show you want to watch. I don't think you are. You are making a show you think people want to watch. But they don't. Trust your gut mate. It's big enough.

Finally I would like to leave you with this thought. A certain broadcaster thinks Mick Molloy would be more comfortable dressed as a dog. What do you think?

If not Nikki Osborne - then who?

Every since I wrote that post lamenting the lack of women on Australian television shows I have been inundated with emails and phone calls. Alright, most of the emails have been spam and the phone calls have usually been from my mum. But that's not to say that this hasn't struck a nerve with someone somewhere. There is a lot of talk about this in the industry and I hope there will be a lot more grumbling in the various media outlets soon.

Last Monday Meshel Laurie had Nikki Osborne as her guest on the Nova Breakfast radio show in Brisbane. Meshel asked Nikki about her role in Mick Molloy's new show, The Nation and the fact that all the guys are comedians and the girls, well...aren't. Nikki went on to chat about her 'acting ability' and that she is heavily involved in the sketch element of the show. Listen to it here.

On the fist episode of The Nation Nikki Osborne did pretty much nothing except a pathetic Paris Hilton imitation so if that's what she deems as 'heavily involved' then don't blink or you could miss the rest of her extensive body of work.

It's easy to see why Nikki Osborne would take the role. What a great opportunity for someone whose been soliciting text messages from late-night pervy viewers to jump into a prime-time show with some experienced players. It's not her fault she was born drop-dead gorgeous. But it does tell us a lot about the thinking behind the Molloy Boy production team.

OK, so I'm not happy with Nikki or Jackie O.

So who are re: soundings favourite women we would love to see on television? Below I've listed some favourite personalities/broadcasters/writers/comedians and other chicks we dig.

• Denise Scott


• Judith Lucy


• Kate McLennan


• Julie McCrossin


• Sam Lane


• Catherine Deveny


• Jennifer Byrne


• Meshel Laurie


• Fee Bamford-Bracher


• Kate Langbroek


• George McEncroe


• Bev Killick


• Kim Hope


• Myf Warhurst


• Sonia Kruger


• Fiona O'Loughlin


• Libbi Gorr


• Cal Wilson

I have searched high and low to try and find some footage of Libbi Gorr in her Elle Mcfeast role from the Live and Sweaty days but alas no joy. Instead I'll leave you with this youtube clip of Max Sharam performing on Elle McFeast's show in 1998. More live music on tv will be addressed in another post.

NB: re: soundings will be returning to radio/streaming/podcasting reviewing very soon