Last-minute Secret Women's Biz

I know what you're thinking - this chick is obsessed with Mick Molloy and The Nation. Right? Well I guess I am extremely interested in the fortunes of this show. I just can't leave it alone. If you're reading this then you're probably border-line obsessed too, the show is five weeks old.

But I'm guessing you're feeling disappointed like I am. You remember the D-Generation on radio, The Late Show on the ABC, Mick Molloy in a white helmet being squashed into a cannon by Rob Sitch, Mick Molloy and Tony Martin dressing up as a donkey (?) and sneaking into the Job Warehouse in Melbourne. You think of those times and remember how much you admired that team, you wanted to see what they would do next, you looked forward to watching television and maybe you haven't had that same passion for a show since?

And that's what's missing. Where's all the fun gone? Where's all the passion? It's obviously still with certain members. Tony Martin could never be accused of being unenthusiastic in his research and preparation for his hilarious two hour daily radio program. The Working Dog team have brought us The Panel and Thank God You're Here, they're creating new shows. Shows that they would like to watch themselves if they were sitting around at home instead of chatting at a desk or judging improv from the audience.

The Panel didn't start out as a perfect show. The numbers changed, the cast changed, the format got tweaked but eventually they found their happy place and sat there very comfortably. It wasn't always exciting, it wasn't controversial, it wasn't ground-breaking but it was interesting, live and usually very good viewing. Thank God You're Here is a solid performing show. It rates well. The guests change weekly so that you are bound to have at least one very good performance at least. (I have issue with their one woman per show policy - but I'm hoping that will be rectified this season.) It's real family viewing with a broad appeal that isn't done much these days. Both these shows have something going for them that The Nation lacks - the creators, guests and cast look like they are enjoying themselves. They look like they care. It appears that some thought has gone into each episode and it also seems that they know their audience.

So what is Mick Molloy thinking? In the first five weeks of The Nation we have had:

• One musical act closing the show


• One fake vox pop segment


• Three episodes of a mock soap "Guantanamo Bay"


• Five stupid entertainment reports from Jackie O


• One political guest Peter Garrett


• One sporting guest Andrew Bogut


• Akmal at the desk each week


• One special guest appearing in sketches, Stephen Curry


• Some mock-imitations from Gary Eck (I think two)


• The addition of Pete Smith as on-camera voice overs


• Gratuitous perving (see sport report last week)


• Mock sponsors that included a designer surgical gown and designer colostomy bag (neither were funny)


• The Chaser boys as guests (complete with a very funny sketch imagining their show on Nine)


• Nikki Osborne doing pretty much sweet FA


• And now the Molloy Boys have decided to add a bit of female content at the last minute by inviting Amanda Keller and Fiona O'Loughlin on to chat about "Secret Women's Business".

It was obviously a last-minute addition to the show. Keller had worked up a bit of material on an advertisement about post-baby breast surgery. Keller can do this stuff standing on her head. O'Loughlin is really one of our best comedians and extremely likable but it didn't seem like she had been given much time to prepare for what was obviously a cobbled-together idea.

Part of me is pleased that Molloy is trying something different, trying to appeal to a broader audience and not catering to the blokey market but then again the whole thing is quite insulting. What took him so long and why didn't he think about this more in the first place? This show is being created on the run, that's just lazy tv. Who did he think was going to watch this show? His fans from the D-Gen and Late Show days would be in their thirties/forties by now, there are no fans from his previous solo effort on telly and let's face it - he's no Hamish or Andy or Rove.

He's a forty year-old bloke, unmarried, no kids and with a fairly large chunk of disposable income. Young chicks aren't tuning in to catch the hot spunks. High-brows aren't tuning in for the cutting-edge satire. Women tuned out in the first week because of the cast list of male comedians and girly dolly-birds and the Ralph TV ads. Old faithfuls have tuned out because he's a disappointment and not offering what they thought he would and a new audience can't find anything to grip onto. Are there going to be vox pops, comedians, sketches, live music, secret women's business or something altogether different next week?

Don't get me wrong, there is room for show of this kind on television. But unfortunately Mick and his brothers aren't making it happen. Molloy said it best when he closed the show last night: "A week is a long time in television."

The Nation - Episode 2

After what I have already had to say here and here and here and here I thought you would be sick of reading my thoughts on Mick Molloy's intriguing mish-mash The Nation. But judging from the stats - I was clearly wrong.

So you want to know what I thought of episode 2?


I thought it was a slight improvement but still has a long way to go. Perhaps this is best said in pictures.













Welll do you girls?













If the dismal ratings and varied reactions are anything to go by then some changes need to be made. Otherwise it's off to the crap heap with Libbi Gore and her plastically enhanced mates from The Catch-Up.





So what would I do differently?

• Never sign on all the talent at the start. Remember when The Panel started? They had a six-seater desk and a set panel. It didn't take long for them to realise that five was better than six and that a revolving panel worked better. Then they could keep the same formula but freshen it up each week with some changing faces. Obviously you have a regular crew but you share it around - like they do with Thank God You're Here. So instead of having Akmal sitting at the desk each week - have someone different. There are absolutely heaps of amazing, talented, local comedians out there - bring them on. People who don't like Akmal are already tuning out but if next week Greg Fleet or Denise Scott or Cal Wilson is going to be doing the desk chat and the punter likes him/her - they're back.



• If you're going to do vox pops do them well - not some pathetic poor imitation of something The Chaser boys might have done.



• Don't disrespect your female audience. Please. Hire some more writers. Hire some female ones. Lose the Ralph TV ads. Don't have hot young ladies fluffing about and average-looking forty-something blokes providing the funny. It doesn't wash. I mean this with no disrespect at all to Nikki Osborne, Tiffany Cherry and Jackie O. They are three fine looking ladies who all have some talent. But what are they required to do? Honestly, Osborne has brought absolutely nothing to this show - maybe she's tried but the Molloy Boys can't see her doing anything other than copping a feel from Calleja in an ordinary sketch?



• Lose the sport and entertainment bits. If people really want to know about this they don't want to see it here. The entertainment segment is nothing more than an opportunity to talk about Hollywood startlet trainwrecks and if we want to know about this sort of stuff we'll just log onto one of the many, many websites covering it.



• How about using some more local talent with a vox pop/video segment? Did you see Lawrence Leung's show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival? You should have. He has a couple of hilarious short video segments that include him trying some awkward pick-up techniques on the ladies and also doing some excellent breakdancing in a local competition. Use him. Get some other local talent to try their hand at it too.



• Mick Molloy - make a show you want to watch. I don't think you are. You are making a show you think people want to watch. But they don't. Trust your gut mate. It's big enough.

Finally I would like to leave you with this thought. A certain broadcaster thinks Mick Molloy would be more comfortable dressed as a dog. What do you think?

The Chaser's War on Everything (except male-dominated TV)

I know that with my demographic profile, socio-economic background, political leanings, lifestyle preferences and BMI that I should be raving like a lunatic about The Chaser's War on Everything but the truth is I have a lot of trouble watching this show. The Chaser boys are currently enjoying the number one spot on the iTunes podcast chart, so clearly they have plenty of fans. Don't get me wrong, I find Craig Reucassel in a pair of rocket poppers as funny as you do. And you'd have to be clinically depressed if you couldn't laugh at Andrew Hansen spruiking out the front of Channel 9 in a dodgy cockney accent. The truth is I just find it all too blokey.

Of course I don't mean blokey in a Footy Show way - I just mean that there are too many men. You know sometimes you can watch the whole show and not even see one woman for the whole half hour. My husband loves it. But this is a perfect example of how women are just not seen enough on Australian television, that is of course excluding McLeod's Daughters where they have to quote Aaron Jeffrey, logie winner and all round knob, "the best boobs in the business."

The Chaser Team is not alone here either. Just take a look at the line-up for Mick Molloy's new show for Channel Nine, The Nation. Oh yes, Molloy's got some chicks sharing air-time with him - but let's just take a closer look at the list. Nikki Osbourne brings with her a wealth of experience from her time hosting graveyard shift telly on Quizmania and a Ralph shoot to boot, Jackie (H)O will be the 'entertainment reporter' (the thinner and even more vapid version of Angela Bishop) and then for a bit of street cred the cutely-named Tiffany Cherry, Fox Footy reporter. The writing team is also wall-to-wall male. Fifi Box wisely turned down the role and it's easy to see why - I can smell the stink of middle-aged leering from here.

And what about Rove? The new and improved 2007 version has booted off funny broads Corinne Grant and Meshel Laurie and instead given new roles to the over-exposed Dave Hughes, the soon-to-be over-exposed Hamish and Andy and Nova newsreader Carrie Bickmore. Bickmore can play the straight role and then Peter Helliar doesn't have to worry about a chick getting a bigger laugh than him.

It seems we were better off decades ago when a woman like Mary Hardy, who had a head for radio but a wit that didn't quit, could get her own show up. It doesn't seem that long ago that Wendy Harmer, complete with hair-lip scar and a freshly broken heart, hosted the first episode of The Big Gig and tore her former lover a new one on air. The opportunities for funny women are becoming even fewer. Maybe all those Big Brother housemates are right - perhaps the way to fame and fortune lies in the pages of FHM?

Working Dog don't fare much better. The Panel only made Kate Langbroek a regular after her loyal Triple R fans made their support for her obvious in various entertainment journals. Even then Langbroek was often the lone female sitting on the five-seater desk, sometimes supported by another female though never more than one. Their new show Thank God You're Here certainly has showcased some very funny women - but never more than one per show.

And don't even get me started on Daryl Somers on Dancing with the Stars. The gorgeous and talented Sonia Kruger dances rings around the very-threatened Somers each week and still manages to smile.

Not concerned enough? Some extensive research uncovered the following quotes:*

Mick Molloy: "If we have to work with them then they've got to be rootable. I hand-picked these girls so we didn't get any doggy ones."

Rob Sitch: "Everyone knows women are only 25% as funny as men. That's why we only have one woman on each episode of Thank God You're Here."

Julian Morrow: "We love women at The Chaser. We have plenty of them in make-up and wardrobe."

Chas Licciardello: "And in catering - where they belong!"

Peter Helliar: "Women are just better at reading news and stuff. Leave the jokes to the short, fat bald dudes and everything's sweet."

Daryl Somers: "Sonia/Jacquie/Denise/Livinia's job description is to look pretty. If she sticks to that she'll do well."

* Some of these quotes may be complete fabrications.