Finding it hard to care...

You've no doubt heard by now that Vega has announced the 2008 breakfast line-up which includes Ian "I'm Dicko, I'm rootable" Dickson, Dave "Pass me the parma" O'Neil and Chrissie "Reality TV got me here" Swan.

I could waffle on about Melbourne radio and the exciting new breakfast teams that are soon to be unleashed on the Melbourne audience but it would all be a lie. Buy yourself a few good cd's and a comfy hammock for Christmas and enjoy the break.

I'm having a break from blogging to work on more lucrative projects, ie: get paid to write. However, I am still interested in reading yours. See you in the comments section.

Mixing it up with the Hoare-Whisperer

Melbourne's Mix FM looks likely to break with usual breakfast radio tradition and deviate from the unofficial One Lady Policy (OLP). The OLP has only been broken once before in Melbourne in recent years when Vega cobbled together a team at the time of the launch. The original Vega breakfast team consisted of three very talented performers (Denise Scott, Beverly O'Connor, Shaun Micallef) who had absolutely no chemistry together.

More thought has gone into Mix FM's 2008 line up which is rumoured to include three former Austereo personalities. The trio will be replacing the poorly performing double act of Tracey Bartram and Tim Smith.

In other news, George McEncroe finished up a three-year stint with The Cage last Friday. Some of her highlights can be heard here. McEncroe's final show celebrated the end of the season with an outside broadcast and the launch of the Youngcare Apartments. Plenty of well-wishers posted their adoration on George's Blog and hundreds turned up to bid her farewell but McEncroe knew she had made it when a very special guest arrived. Not content to interrupt Ashes Cricket Matches, the Melbourne Cup and Michael Hutchence's funeral serial pest Peter Hoare dropped in to interrupt proceedings in his own inimitable way.

In other radio news:

Triple J have decided on a new female breakfast co-host to replace Myf Warhurst. Expect an announcement next week.

Vega's breakfast team is still unsettled with former Big Brother housemate and DMG favourite Chrissie Swan a very likely starter. Dave O'Neil is apparently still considering whether he will continue with the station.

Age columnist and professional Melbourne shit-stirrer Catherine Deveny will be filling in for Richard Stubbs in the afternoon 1-3pm slot from 3 December for two weeks.

Andrew Bolt sent the following message in for Deveny:

Vega you have been handed a lifeline - grab it NOW!

The most enthusiastic, over-researched and funniest radio show on air Get This with Tony Martin, Ed Kavalee and Rishard Marsland has just been axed by Triple M. As suggested just TWO DAYS AGO PEOPLE, Vega should snap them up.

This is the opportunity to realunch Vega and actually offer something different for an intelligent audience who want a bit of popular culture mixed in with a liberal serve of juvenile humour. Vega will have to relaunch their breakfast show (I'm telling you folks the Dave O'Neil/Chris Hatzis team WILL work)* so why not give the whole station a going over and a bit of energy.

It will be interesting to see how Triple M fare next year with Peter Helliar and Myf Warhurst serving up the 6-9am froot loops instead of the tired Cage team. If Wil and Lehmo survive with their weak ratings and sexist promotional stunts then Triple M is seriously more rooted** than we thought.

In other news do watch Denton tonight to see the wonderful Colin Hay being interviewed. This interview has been in the can for some time and I have been waiting for it to actually be played but he kept being bumped for sports stars or visiting artists. Anyway watch it, he is a very entertaining man.

And if you haven't already caught up on your Newstopia watching grab it here for the next 48 hours.

* Producer available - contact me
**You won't read that in the Green Guide

Weekend Wrap Up

The end-of-season radio moves are on, like a jigsaw where the pieces are being rearranged to fit back together, we are seeing some personalities slide over to another station and others hanging up the headphones for other reasons.

Triple M's Melbourne breakfast radio team The Cage is retiring And is to be replaced by ruddy-faced Fat Controller Peter Helliar. Triple J breakfast co-host and Spicks and Specks team leader Myf Warhurst is to join Helliar. Rumours of who would share space with Helliar were wafting around the ether for the last few weeks and the names Petty, Zemiro and Bickmore were bandied around. One thing was always going to be certain - Helliar would not be sharing the airspace with any female who got more laughs than him. Is Helliar the new Daryl Somers of Australian entertainment? You decide?

It was interesting to note that Helliar is looking "forward to putting together a great team over the coming months..." so don't get ahead of yourself Myf - this is Pete's gig and you'll be joining him and Strauchnie for the ride. What will the show be called?

"I plan to call it Peter Helliar's Breakfast Bonanza, Myf's name will appear on the website and of course listeners will hear her voice, most likely cracking up over my jokes." Peter Helliar*

Over at Vega Denise Scott and Shaun Micallef are heading off to pursue other interests. The always likable and versatile Scott has a book deal and Micallef will concentrate on his very promising new satirical television show Newstopia. Unbelievably there have been reports that Grubby and DeeDee are rumoured to slip over to Vega. The sound of another nail is heard being banged into Vega's coffin.

Vega was a great idea that never took off and instead of nurturing it management clipped its wings and tried to make it look like every other oldies hits of the 80s, 90s and now station. I had visions of a Triple J morning show circa early 90s with Angela Catterns: weekly regular guests talking dream analysis, television, naturopathy and more I cannot exactly recall. Instead we got a cobbled together breakfast team that were given no direction and a short-lived shot at an alternative talk radio format. Now it's a backannouncer's barnyard with Elton John, Billy Joel and Robbie Williams.

If Vega want to lift their fortunes they should:**

• Hang on to Dave O'Neil and give him a bit of licence to put together his own team. O'Neil has a huge portfolio of Melbourne radio experience including years at Triple R (Cat Corner anyone?), he has loyal fans and doesn't mind acting the dag. If Chris Hatzis could be enticed to join him Vega would be on a definite winner.


• Poach the Martin/Kavalee/Marsland winner Get This from Triple M. Give them three hours from 9-12 and a very loose leash. Martin appears to despise the Triple M playlist so let him pick his own four songs per hour.


• I don't know about the afternoons yet but leave it with me.

In Nation-Watch, Mick Molloy and his show disappeared without a trace. No press releases, no media coverage, it just disappeared. Anthony LaPaglia and his team have been hired to track the shows final movements, when found all episodes will be buried in a time capsule next to the dog-poop zone at the nearest park.

*The recordings were muffled maybe these aren't the EXACT quotes.

**I don't like giving advice all the time.

Mick Celebrates Nine Shows with Nothing New

I know, what would this blog be if it weren't for Mick Molloy and his shambolic show The Nation to write about?

But stuff it, it's my blog and if I choose to dissect his latest foray into late, or should I say late-late night television, I will.

With a brief shift into half-decent entertainment last week, The Nation slipped firmly back into mediocrity last night. You probably missed it so I'll give you the juice here:

• Secret Women's Business returned with Amanda Keller and Julia Zemiro. I love Julia Zemiro - she's a sharp cool/daggy mix all bundled up into an extremely appealing package. Amanda Keller has quite a few fans, she can think on her feet and brandishes a whip-smart motormouth, she's not my cup of ginger zinger with a dash of honey but she knows how to work it. Unfortunately these two couldn't save Mick's show. What is it with the whole 'Secret Women's Business' angle and the kitschy graphic of 1950's housewives anyway?
• Last week Kate Langbroek appeared in a sketch and later as a guest. Even though she chatted with Mick about having three kids and putting her rock and liquor-loving husband on a curfew - she didn't have to be introduced under the guise of revealing 'Secret Women's Business'. Mind you, she worked brilliantly with Mick, asking him about still being single and laughing good-naturedly at her own expense. It really drove home the two very important lessons that Mick and his brothers should learn - casting and chemistry.
• It appears that Akmal and Jackie O now alternate their spot at the desk each week. Hmmm one week vapid celeb goss (with credibility-raising laptop prop) at least two days past its use-by date and the next...current affairs with a comedic twist. Apparently you can see that connection from the moon.
• It seems that Nikki Osborne has left the building. No-one noticed. Maybe she's out trying to find a third k to put into her name? Will she reappear as one of the chicks on Aerobics Oz Style? Mick's already put it on record that nailing one of those beauties is one of his things to do before he dies.
• Dave O'Neil was a guest, talking up his new book 'Everything Tastes Better Crumbed' and appearing as a slobby Tour de France racer. I love Dave, and quite frankly I think he's onto something with his crumbing adventure. I mean even eggplant, which I despise, is edible once dipped in crumbs and dripping in saturated fat.
• Tiffany Cherry really is very good. But must we intersperse her sporting segments with pervy bikini shots from Natalie Gulbis' latest FHM spread?

It looks like The Nation is going to be allowed to see out its run of eleven or twelve shows. I doubt it will get renewed but it serves as a great case study into how to make good television.

I'm not going to bang on about casting, chemistry, instincts, forethought or good writing. I'm not going to waffle on about getting more funny women on our small screens. I'm not going to open the window and scream out "Mick you're not a host! Produce by all means, but don't make yourself a star." Why would I?