Triple M Music Jury Dismissed

In a stunning about-face the judge residing over the Get This murder trial has dismissed members of the Triple M Music Jury. At 9 am yesterday the judge ordered the removal of jury foreman Wayne “Hando” Hando after hearing strong allegations that “Hando” Hando had been taking bribes from the Nickelback fan club and had spent seven years serving as a cadet in the Kiss Army.

The Judge, Brian Jonestown of the Massacre Supreme Court, made his decision in closed chambers, offered no explanation when he announced the ruling in open court then sealed the record that holds the discussion and notes surrounding the decision.

“Hando” Hando is in his mid-forties, has extensive experience in the building industry and had a penchant for eating KFC zinger wings throughout the trial. “Hando” Hando is the third person to be dismissed from the jury since the murder trial of Get This, just under two years old, began five weeks ago.

The dismissal of “Hando” Hando follows the removal on Tuesday of Mike “Frangers” Franger, who was dismissed for engaging in undisclosed misconduct. Legal experts said they suspected that “Frangers” Franger, who is 35 to 45 years old, might have done some of his own research, which could have involved a number of possibilities, including listening to credible music programming on both Triple R and PBS community radio stations in Melbourne.

Dismissal of the three jury members has seen a controversial shift in music programming throughout the 2-4 pm time slot. Songs from Lou Reed’s legendary Transformer album and cult hits from Britpop pioneers The Members have recently been heard.

Triple M Program Director Guy “Dobson” Dobson has found the process tumultuous. “Dobson” Dobson says: “These are confusion times for us at Austereo. It has been chaorific, we prefer our music bland-on-bland - not something for enjoyancing.”

Face Off

My days aren't all about wasting time getting into arguments on internet forums or playing online scrabble - I do actually like to do something useful every now and again. Take facebook for instance, you know you can spend hours in that joint only to leave with nothing more than the knowledge that you have successfully blocked your stalkerish ex-boyfriend and that challenge games are crap.

One of the areas of great interest to me though are the groups. Pick a topic, any topic and there's bound to be a facebook group dedicated to celebrating or denigrating it.

Triple M's Get This has motivated plenty of action in the groups area. Below are a list of just some of the groups you can join.

Global Movement to Save Get This: 937 members

This is brought to you by the same people who coordinated a rally in Melbourne on 05 November and are planning a farewell party on the day of final broadcast on 23 November. There is even a rally planned for this Saturday in London - I'm sure 50 Aussies toting green and gold backpacks will have the Austereo management reversing their decision immediately. You can jump on one of the discussion boards where folks chat about torrents and seeding - I don't know if they are discussing IVF, equine flu or their own l33t skilz.

They also offer a link to the online petition with over 7600 signatures to date. With comments like this:

MATT FROM MARSLAND
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT WENT FISHING WITH 5 GUYS.... SHE WENT HOME WITH A RED SNAPPER!!!

and signatures from Steven Seagal, Harry Manbag and Bob Franklin's mother who "suggested he should go back to England you boring little knob" I can't see this one being enough to sway our truly favourite knob, Guy Dobson.

Stop MMM Axing Get This: 391 members

Maybe these guys organised the rally - if not they certainly have photos of it.

GET THIS '07: Save 'Get This'!!!! Common Triple M... move to Drive time!!! 304 members

This is the group you join if you like exclamation points!!!!!! or can't spell come on!!!!!!!!!!!

and then there's:

Save TripleM's 'Get This' : 682 members

Tony Martin;s 'Get This' is bloody awesome: 770 members

Get This - Tony Martin, Ed Kavalee and Richard Marsland Appreciation Society: 404 members

Ed Kavalee is a Spunk: 103 members

Get This Appreciation Society: 134 members

SAVE GET THIS: 59 members

The Get This fanclub: 23 members

Don't let Triple M axe Get This: 23 members

Save Triple M's Get This: 12 members

and the Newcastle team have the Triple M's 'Get This' Appreciation: 16 members on this one they note the show is hosted by Tony "Saprano" Martin [these guys should be whacked just for that]

In the meantime I have enjoyed sending friend requests to any Australian minor celebrity I can find and thought you may like to know the results:

Ernie Sigley added me no questions asked.

Yahoo Serious sent me a question: "who are you?" Well Yahoo, millions of people are wondering the same of you.

Warwick Capper, Derryn Hinch and someone else I have forgotten are yet to respond.

But the highlight of this experience came just this week when I received this message:

Tom Piotrowski has just compared you with one of his friends and thinks you have a better sense of humor.

If you have any suggestions for other celebs I should hassle please let me know, otherwise I'll be online creating the Guy Dobson facebook group.

Pearls of Wisdom

In this article Austereo's program director Guy Dobson suggests that Tony Martin's very funny two hour ratings winner Get This may still be in with a chance. Whether Martin wants to continue with Triple M is another matter.

Dobson also talks up the Melbourne breakfast crew for 2008, Pete "Laughs on Me" Hellier and Myf Warhurst.

"There was a great deal of chemistry when we met with Myf," he says. "She'll certainly pass the muster on air. There was total relatability (sic)."

Intrigued by Dobson's free form use of the English language I tracked him down to learn more.*

L: You have said that on meeting Myf Warhurst that there was "total relatability". What does that mean?

GD: What do you think it means? Of course it means that we could relate to her. There was an affinitivity between us.

L: An affinitivity?

GD: Yes, we feel she brings a connectionitive spirit and is identifising for our target audience. Look Woman, don't you get it?

L: Did you just call me "Woman"?

GD: Of course not, I'm not racist.

L: I'm interested to know your thoughts on the Get This team.

GD: Well, they are certainly very enthusiastical which we like. But at times they have displayed just too much tangentialness.

L: I see. There has been some discussion that you didn't like Ed Kavalee's digs at other Austereo team members. What's the problem there?

GD: Three words: Got. Cha. Calls.

L: And Tony Martin has been critical of the Triple M playlist?

GD: I admit that I don't like the way Tony displays such judgementalness towards our playlist and his claims that the playlist is limited is unfair.

L: How would you describe your playlist?

GD: It's very diversic, it's Nickelbackian and Wang Chungified; you can't get better than that.

L: Thank you for your time.

* Or perhaps I just made it up.

Vega you have been handed a lifeline - grab it NOW!

The most enthusiastic, over-researched and funniest radio show on air Get This with Tony Martin, Ed Kavalee and Rishard Marsland has just been axed by Triple M. As suggested just TWO DAYS AGO PEOPLE, Vega should snap them up.

This is the opportunity to realunch Vega and actually offer something different for an intelligent audience who want a bit of popular culture mixed in with a liberal serve of juvenile humour. Vega will have to relaunch their breakfast show (I'm telling you folks the Dave O'Neil/Chris Hatzis team WILL work)* so why not give the whole station a going over and a bit of energy.

It will be interesting to see how Triple M fare next year with Peter Helliar and Myf Warhurst serving up the 6-9am froot loops instead of the tired Cage team. If Wil and Lehmo survive with their weak ratings and sexist promotional stunts then Triple M is seriously more rooted** than we thought.

In other news do watch Denton tonight to see the wonderful Colin Hay being interviewed. This interview has been in the can for some time and I have been waiting for it to actually be played but he kept being bumped for sports stars or visiting artists. Anyway watch it, he is a very entertaining man.

And if you haven't already caught up on your Newstopia watching grab it here for the next 48 hours.

* Producer available - contact me
**You won't read that in the Green Guide

Weekend Wrap Up

The end-of-season radio moves are on, like a jigsaw where the pieces are being rearranged to fit back together, we are seeing some personalities slide over to another station and others hanging up the headphones for other reasons.

Triple M's Melbourne breakfast radio team The Cage is retiring And is to be replaced by ruddy-faced Fat Controller Peter Helliar. Triple J breakfast co-host and Spicks and Specks team leader Myf Warhurst is to join Helliar. Rumours of who would share space with Helliar were wafting around the ether for the last few weeks and the names Petty, Zemiro and Bickmore were bandied around. One thing was always going to be certain - Helliar would not be sharing the airspace with any female who got more laughs than him. Is Helliar the new Daryl Somers of Australian entertainment? You decide?

It was interesting to note that Helliar is looking "forward to putting together a great team over the coming months..." so don't get ahead of yourself Myf - this is Pete's gig and you'll be joining him and Strauchnie for the ride. What will the show be called?

"I plan to call it Peter Helliar's Breakfast Bonanza, Myf's name will appear on the website and of course listeners will hear her voice, most likely cracking up over my jokes." Peter Helliar*

Over at Vega Denise Scott and Shaun Micallef are heading off to pursue other interests. The always likable and versatile Scott has a book deal and Micallef will concentrate on his very promising new satirical television show Newstopia. Unbelievably there have been reports that Grubby and DeeDee are rumoured to slip over to Vega. The sound of another nail is heard being banged into Vega's coffin.

Vega was a great idea that never took off and instead of nurturing it management clipped its wings and tried to make it look like every other oldies hits of the 80s, 90s and now station. I had visions of a Triple J morning show circa early 90s with Angela Catterns: weekly regular guests talking dream analysis, television, naturopathy and more I cannot exactly recall. Instead we got a cobbled together breakfast team that were given no direction and a short-lived shot at an alternative talk radio format. Now it's a backannouncer's barnyard with Elton John, Billy Joel and Robbie Williams.

If Vega want to lift their fortunes they should:**

• Hang on to Dave O'Neil and give him a bit of licence to put together his own team. O'Neil has a huge portfolio of Melbourne radio experience including years at Triple R (Cat Corner anyone?), he has loyal fans and doesn't mind acting the dag. If Chris Hatzis could be enticed to join him Vega would be on a definite winner.


• Poach the Martin/Kavalee/Marsland winner Get This from Triple M. Give them three hours from 9-12 and a very loose leash. Martin appears to despise the Triple M playlist so let him pick his own four songs per hour.


• I don't know about the afternoons yet but leave it with me.

In Nation-Watch, Mick Molloy and his show disappeared without a trace. No press releases, no media coverage, it just disappeared. Anthony LaPaglia and his team have been hired to track the shows final movements, when found all episodes will be buried in a time capsule next to the dog-poop zone at the nearest park.

*The recordings were muffled maybe these aren't the EXACT quotes.

**I don't like giving advice all the time.

Wil & Lehmo Serve Up a Hot Dish of Sexism

Maybe you're one of the dwindling audience members from Wil & Lehmo's Triple M drive show and you're totally across their crazy pranks and gimmicks. Maybe you're a fan from their stints on television and the stand-up circuit. Maybe you're just some freak who spends too much time on the net googling radio stars. Whatever. The point is...

Don't miss your opportunity to enter their ground-breaking new competition - Wil & Lemo's Hot Mamas!

I haven't heard a lot of their show, mainly because each time I've tuned in I've nearly fallen asleep at the wheel, but all that is about to change. These guys are so down with the ladies and getting up in our grills with all their feminism and shit, man they've practically got vaginas!

Wil and Lemo are on the lookout for Australia's HOTTEST MAMA. All you have to do is tell them in 25 words or less why you are so totally hot right now and send in your most recent glamour shot you could be in the running for either a $1000 shopping spree if you are a state finalist or $5000 if you are the overall HOTTEST MAMA in the whole of Australia.

In case you aren't sure what they have in mind they have posted a slideshow on their webpage of celebrity HOT MAMAS! This slideshow celebrates women for all the right reasons:

International Orphan Reduction Program - Angelina Jolie & Madonna

Dedication to the Arts - Gwyneth Paltrow

Immaculate Conception - Katie Holmes

Poetry - Bec Hewitt

Lehmo has been promoting this trumped up beauty contest as "empowering for women". "Empowering", I hate the way this word gets bandied around, what it actually means is to equip someone with ability or to invest with power. So let's try it in a sentence:

"I sent in a snap of me wearing a pink g-string and two cans of Southern and Coke. I feel I now have the strength to find that cure for cancer."

"Ever since Wil and Lehmo gave me $5000 because they think I am HOT I just feel like I rule the tuck shop."

So if you are like one the celebs pictured in the slideshow and have a personal trainer, stylist and private pilates instructor - enter now.

If you are a tired, overworked mum struggling to hold it all together and you haven't looked in the mirror since 2003 - well, suffer in your fat Nana pants - these boys just aren't interested.

Stay tuned for their upcoming comps:

• Firey Amputees
• Deaf, Dumb and Dirrrrty
• Naughty Naked Nanas

You know why this bothers me? Because I think my mum is just about the hottest mama you could find. Not just because she is beautiful but because she has been the most selfless mother, caring grandmother and bravest of cancer battlers. I would love nothing more than to celebrate her "hotness" with a $5000 prize. C'mon guys, haven't you figured out that women are worth celebrating for reasons other than their "hotness"?

Current Favourite Radio Personality - Peter Grace

Peter Grace, the first voice heard on commerical FM radio in Australia and former producer of the Martin Molloy radio show has been popping up as a guest co-host on Get This with Tony Martin on Triple M. Grace has been making quite an impact on youtube with his clips that include some stand-up comedy, some political swipes at the Australian and US government and some intelligent rants against anything else he finds annoying.





His subscriber name is whaddyareckon. I reckon he's alright.

Check out some of his sweet whinges here, or watch below:

Photo of Peter Grace circa 1978 from Debbie Kruger's website

The Ladies' Lounge #1 with George McEncroe, The Cage, Triple M, Brisbane

We're keen on celebrating women in the media here at re: soundings so we invite you into The Ladies' Lounge. Our first guest is George McEncroe from The Cage, Brisbane's breakfast radio show on Triple M. George co-hosts the show with three blokes: Marto, Sully and Ian Skippen. Please make here feel very welcome, George McEncroe...

*applause*

Welcome to the Ladies' Lounge. Would you like a pikelet?

Thanks for having me. Love your pikelets.

You came to stand-up, in your thirties and with four kids under your belt. What took you so long?

I took a long time to work up the guts to do stand up. Four kids can take your life from being just sad to being a sad joke and that's when it clicked. And I had to go through being a teacher, nurse, ethicist and human rights worker to get the material to make the gags. Yeah but mostly I was gutless.

You were quickly snapped up by the Austereo network. How did you make the move?

Yes it was a very lucky break. I had two influential people mention my name to the boss at Austereo on the same day and he decided he had to meet me. It was very much a case of having good friends helping me out. And being outrageously talented at the same time of course.

You're a Melbourne lass who's been part of The Cage Brisbane on Triple M for two years. Where feels like home to you these days?

I love Brisbane and before living there I had no idea of how physically beautiful it was. Having kids at the local school helped us become part of a community quite quickly but all our family are from Melbourne so I guess Melbourne will always feel more home like.

Like most women on-air, the rest of your team are men. Do you ever wish there were more chicks to chat to?

One day sisters we will rise and it'll be two women on air and two blokes and Oh My God yes. I wish there were more women to talk to in both programme directing roles, management everywhere. One day there might even be two ladeeeeeze just doing a show without anyone making a huge fuss about them being ladeeeeze. They might just be seen as funny humans.

Would a token gay, like Adam Richard do?

I don't like token anythings.

We're crazy for your daily blog. Blogging is becoming more popular with radio hosts but you've been banging yours out for quite awhile. How did it come about?

After much discussion about the various talents on the team we decided I should utilise my writing ability and the blog was born. I love it and never have to worry about what I am going to say. The blog is like the Magic Pudding it just keeps renewing itself. At 7am daily you can tune in to hear stuff wot I reckon about the world.

You talk and write a lot about your husband and kids. Do you think when your kids get older they will want to stab you with a knife?

Wanting to stab your parents with a knife is a crucial developmental stage and I would hate to deny my children that opportunity. And as I say to them...If you don't want me to talk about you stop being so darn hilarious. Just can't wait for them to hit puberty. The first period will make a GREAT blog. Ok yes I invade their privacy and exploit their innocence for ratings but hey...that's life. I mean I'm not putting them to work in a sweat shop despite the fact they do wonderful bead work. Lucky lucky bastards.

Do you have any radio heroes?

I don't really have heroes but I do love my on air colleagues (most of the time) and I reckon Tony and Ed on Get This are pretty damn fine. Tony Martin is as close to a radio genius as you can get. I have always admired Kate Langbroek for her insisting on being herself (harder than it sounds) and Judith Lucy with Kaz Cooke was a rare treat.

Austereo really copped a lashing in Judith Lucy's comedy show, "I Failed". Do you think she failed?

I don't think Jude failed. Warm, funny brave people can't fail.

Have you ever been given feedback from your bosses such as "Our research shows that our audience HATE you"? Discuss.

Yes I have been told that our male listeners aren't always so thrilled with me but I am there to talk about the world as I see it...not as some blokes would like me to see it. So it's not surprising. Always hurtful sure...but not unexpected.

You've featured in a Where's Wally promotion , frequently co-host Get This with Tony Martin and did a stint on Fox breakfast in Melbourne. What is Austereo going to get you to do next?

I think Austereo would like me to keep performing solidly and consistently and to eat fewer chips, especially on air. Beyond that I have no idea.

Recently you've been popping up on the telly on Spicks and Specks. Would you like to get your noggin on the tube more or less than Fifi Box?

Love doing a bit of tele. Spicks and Specks was top fun. As for my dear friend and colleague Fifi Box I don't see any need to compare the two of us. She is young and pretty and sweet. I am old and cranky and rather mean. Tele is good and yes I'd like to do more of it. Bless the edit.

I saw your husband drinking an icy cold can of coke at the train station. Was that your influence?

Sam has always loved coke. He's just not so keen on wiping down the kitchen bench and I seem to have no influence there.

In your very pleasant daydreams what are you going to do next?

In my most pleasant day dreams I am sitting on a hill side somewhere in northern NSW with a view to the Pacific Ocean writng a wonderful book.

We're all about celebrating wymmyn here at the Ladies' Lounge. What's your celebrity tip for keeping a happy home when you have to get up at 4.30 am?

I wish I could sleep till 4.30 am. I am up at 3.30 and there is no way to keep a happy home when you are that tired. Keep your head just above the shit line is my advice. Stay fit. Drink less and be rid of people who make you feel anxious or sad.

George, your producer has met with foul play. You are given free reign to produce today's show. What do you do, play, change?

If I had to put together a whole show at short notice I would panic. Then cry. Then panic some more and then call every person I thought was funny or interesting for a chat. There'd be less Chisel and more Gillian Welch and possibly quite a bit of nonsense about people only I knew. Maybe not a brilliant show for anyone to listen to but by golly I'd have a ball. In fact the idea is so much fun I might just go and kill my producer right now. Thanks for the idea pet.

We're mad for you here at re:soundings can we be blog sisters? We'll have to rub our hardwires together or something. Will you come back and have a shandy with us some other time?

Would love to return for a shandy one day.

Read George's blog here

George can be heard on The Cage, Brisbane from 5.30 - 9am Weekdays
Podcast

Occasional guest host on Get This