Miss (you) Melbourne meets The Nation

Now I understand why all the funny women are missing from our television screens. It's because Janet McLeod has them all holed up in Trades Hall entertaining swarms of Melbourne comedy lovers.

McLeod received a $15,000 arts grant from the Melbourne City Council to produce Miss (You) Melbourne, an 11-night series of evenings featuring fantastic female comics talking about their experiences of life in Melbourne.

The production features a revolving cast of female comedians and tonight's line-up included:

Tanya Lossano

Terri Psiakis

Geraldine Quinn

Corinne Grant

Sue-Ann Post

Man, that Janet McLeod knows how to throw a party. There's a home-made art installation in the foyer, Janet greets you at the door looking all Melbourne-glamour-goth fantastic in a red corset and patent-leather lace-up boots and before the show officially kicks off Janet warms up the crowd with a quick game of heads and tails and a door prize of a block of chocolate and a hand-knitted pink donut crafted by McLeod's mother. The show begins with McLeod's quirky multimedia presentation and then we're straight into five 15 minute stand-up routines.

The audience was certainly diverse with young Fitzroy coolsies in funky-spex, bookish couples in cardigans mixing it up with middle-aged mums on a girls' night out and father and son man-dates. But wherever they came from, or whatever their leanings this audience lapped it all up. There were no flat spots in the whole evening and some excellent material from Lossano and Quinn. Although if you had to single out one stand-out performance it would have to be from Corinne Grant who had the crowd in hysterics as she recounted her introduction to Melbourne as a wide-eyed work-experience kid. We could really use her back on our telly screens.

So while McLeod is celebrating Melbourne and women and comedy and hosting a bloody good night out - over at Channel Nine Mick Molloy is struggling on with The Nation and still not listening to the reams of advice I have left for him on this blog. The outrage!

If you want to go back to the 1960's just check out the sporting segment on Episode 4 of The Nation. There's some chatter about sport but even better you get to see tennis player Maria Sharapova rolling in the sand in a bikini and some nudie shots from US swimmer Amanda Beard's Playboy shoot.

I got two laughs during Molloy's show and neither of them involved Molloy - there was Gary Eck doing a stand-up routine in character as a death-row inmate and actually Akmal pulled out a few good ones in his chat at the desk.

After seeing a show like Miss (You) Melbourne that's full of energy, talent, excitement and laughs it just makes me feel that The Nation is a really just a lazy, lacklustre effort that promised to be so much more.

Sorry but MS Paint just keeps pulling me back...

Apologies

It is true that my recent shenanigans with MS Paint have been nothing but immature and ridiculous. But it was fun.

Proper blogging returns tomorrow with reviews and interviews and all things grown-up.

Does the Beard Maketh the Mirth?

UK comedian Daniel Kitson has had a long-standing dislike for The Age's backpage dirt-dishers, Diary. Rumour has it that it all started when Suzanne Carbone approached Kitson to chat about an article she was writing about comedians with beards. Or funny beards. Or men having fun with beards.

Perhaps it was part of a series linking humour to hair? Later columns were to look at the power of laughter when linked to baldness, brazilian waxes and troll dolls.

I never read the article. Maybe it was never written. I can only try and recreate it visually here and test Carbone's theory that men with beards are funny.


First sample: Daniel Kitson

"I ate your thesaurus and all I got was this voluminous vocabulary and
perspicacious wit!"

So far, so good. Let's test it again with the thinking latte-sipping left-leaning woman's sexy-man and former bed-pimp, Rod Quantock.

Hey, Rod Quantock certainly supports Carbone's theory.

Let's give philosophical carrot-lover Dave Callan a crack.

Don't mind if I do Dave.

But wait, what if the beard is worn by a man who ISN'T a fully-fledged comedian? Will he still be funny?

ABC 774 broadcaster Jon Faine slides into the test tube. He is a man with a beard after all.

Hmmmm, he has his moments but he kind of lost me at the "Take my mother-in-law..." bit.



Alright, so what happens if you add a beard to someone not renowned for their wit? Does he instantly become funny?

"I’ve never believed in lower wages. Never. Never believed in lower wages, I’ve
never believed in lower wages as an economic instrument."

"I'd like to be seen as an average Australian bloke. I can't think of... I can't
think of a nobler description of anybody than to be called an average Australian
bloke."

"We won't just automatically click our heels and follow the Americans."

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhh, my sides just split!

Never seen in the same place at the same time...

Possibly separated at birth?

The Chaser's Chas Licciardello and Australian Idol microphone-tapper [no pun intended] Anthony Callea.

Oh well, it could be worse...

Our Work is Done

Yes, yes, yes I have been harping on for weeks here, here, here and here about blokey television and the lack of funny women on air.

Finally the mainstream media have decided to have something to say about it too. And all three of them in less than a week.

Read Melinda Houston's piece in The Sunday Age here.

Read Catherine Deveny's op-ed rant here.

Read Marieke Hardy's take on it here.

Dead Man Walking - The Nation Episode Three

Episode Three of Mick Molloy's The Nation was close to the most depressing hour of Australian television I've ever seen. There was a complete air of failure and everything about it seemed forced. Even Mick Molloy acted like the show was already axed with chatter about dismal ratings with guest Peter Rowsthorn. If this is the show that Mick Molloy wanted to make and thinks is good television then I'm afraid to say, this guy has lost it. I can't even be bothered giving you a run through, just trust me, this show has 2 more eps - tops.

The Nation - Episode 2

After what I have already had to say here and here and here and here I thought you would be sick of reading my thoughts on Mick Molloy's intriguing mish-mash The Nation. But judging from the stats - I was clearly wrong.

So you want to know what I thought of episode 2?


I thought it was a slight improvement but still has a long way to go. Perhaps this is best said in pictures.













Welll do you girls?













If the dismal ratings and varied reactions are anything to go by then some changes need to be made. Otherwise it's off to the crap heap with Libbi Gore and her plastically enhanced mates from The Catch-Up.





So what would I do differently?

• Never sign on all the talent at the start. Remember when The Panel started? They had a six-seater desk and a set panel. It didn't take long for them to realise that five was better than six and that a revolving panel worked better. Then they could keep the same formula but freshen it up each week with some changing faces. Obviously you have a regular crew but you share it around - like they do with Thank God You're Here. So instead of having Akmal sitting at the desk each week - have someone different. There are absolutely heaps of amazing, talented, local comedians out there - bring them on. People who don't like Akmal are already tuning out but if next week Greg Fleet or Denise Scott or Cal Wilson is going to be doing the desk chat and the punter likes him/her - they're back.



• If you're going to do vox pops do them well - not some pathetic poor imitation of something The Chaser boys might have done.



• Don't disrespect your female audience. Please. Hire some more writers. Hire some female ones. Lose the Ralph TV ads. Don't have hot young ladies fluffing about and average-looking forty-something blokes providing the funny. It doesn't wash. I mean this with no disrespect at all to Nikki Osborne, Tiffany Cherry and Jackie O. They are three fine looking ladies who all have some talent. But what are they required to do? Honestly, Osborne has brought absolutely nothing to this show - maybe she's tried but the Molloy Boys can't see her doing anything other than copping a feel from Calleja in an ordinary sketch?



• Lose the sport and entertainment bits. If people really want to know about this they don't want to see it here. The entertainment segment is nothing more than an opportunity to talk about Hollywood startlet trainwrecks and if we want to know about this sort of stuff we'll just log onto one of the many, many websites covering it.



• How about using some more local talent with a vox pop/video segment? Did you see Lawrence Leung's show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival? You should have. He has a couple of hilarious short video segments that include him trying some awkward pick-up techniques on the ladies and also doing some excellent breakdancing in a local competition. Use him. Get some other local talent to try their hand at it too.



• Mick Molloy - make a show you want to watch. I don't think you are. You are making a show you think people want to watch. But they don't. Trust your gut mate. It's big enough.

Finally I would like to leave you with this thought. A certain broadcaster thinks Mick Molloy would be more comfortable dressed as a dog. What do you think?

It's A Gas PBSfm Tuesdays 3-5pm

Tuning into 1950's music show "It's A Gas" on Melbourne community radio station on PBS 106.7 on Tuesday 5 June was the best two hours I spent all week. This show encapsulates everything that is great about community radio: passionate presenters, genre-specific music and a well-researched and informative interview with the incredible Wanda Jackson.

A lot of presenters on community radio have specific handles for their shows, think James "Houndog" Young, Fee B Squared or Leaping Larry L. "It's A Gas" is usually presented by the patriotically named Jamie "Dingo" Suppa but for the past two weeks Mike "Hepcat" Heylbut has parked his rockabilly butt in the hotseat for a celebration of the women of rockabilly. The music is rocking and nothing you will usually hear on commercial radio but the highlight is the informed interview with former girlfriend of Elvis Presley and self-confessed Rockabilly Grandma, Wanda Jackson.

Hepcat is clearly a fan and in an enthusiastically gentle way manages to coax Jackson to talk about her incredible experiences in the world of Rockabilly music. Wanda Jackson toured with a young Elvis Presley and had a brief and innocent romance with him that included Elvis giving Jackson his ring, which she still has today. Jackson also recounts the challenges she faced touring with a black pianist, Big Al, in bars that still practiced segregation. Jackson stood by Big Al, it was all or nothing with her and the band. She also talks about brushes with alcohol, finding Jesus and of course her music.

The music featured on "It's A Gas" is all 1950's good times. If you're a music fan of any genre you'll appreciate the old time rock and roll fun packaged up for your listening pleasure. Fortunately PBS has radio on demand which means you can stream shows that have already been broadcast. So if you're reading this and want to hear the show or the interview all you have to do is tap over to the PBS website and you can listen to it too. Luddites might find it confusing so I have put clear instructions at the bottom of this post.

Sample the rockabilly grandma herself. Here's Wanda Jackson with
"A Whole Lot of Shaking Going On"

1. For radio on demand go to the PBS website.

2. You will need to login and set up an account, your email address in your login in the future.

3. On the right hand menu you will see an icon for "ON AIR NOW" - click there.

4. This will open the streaming window.

5. At the top of the streaming window there will be two options "Live" or "Radio on Demand".

6. If you do nothing you hear the current broadcast after a few moments.

7. To listen to archived shows select the "Radio on Demand" option.

8. Select the show from the dropdown menu, eg "It's a Gas".

9. From the drop down menu below select the date and time you want, eg "5 June 1500". (Shows are usually broken into hour long segments.)

10. A red line of text under "Results" will appear - click on this to listen.

11. Sit back and enjoy.

If not Nikki Osborne - then who?

Every since I wrote that post lamenting the lack of women on Australian television shows I have been inundated with emails and phone calls. Alright, most of the emails have been spam and the phone calls have usually been from my mum. But that's not to say that this hasn't struck a nerve with someone somewhere. There is a lot of talk about this in the industry and I hope there will be a lot more grumbling in the various media outlets soon.

Last Monday Meshel Laurie had Nikki Osborne as her guest on the Nova Breakfast radio show in Brisbane. Meshel asked Nikki about her role in Mick Molloy's new show, The Nation and the fact that all the guys are comedians and the girls, well...aren't. Nikki went on to chat about her 'acting ability' and that she is heavily involved in the sketch element of the show. Listen to it here.

On the fist episode of The Nation Nikki Osborne did pretty much nothing except a pathetic Paris Hilton imitation so if that's what she deems as 'heavily involved' then don't blink or you could miss the rest of her extensive body of work.

It's easy to see why Nikki Osborne would take the role. What a great opportunity for someone whose been soliciting text messages from late-night pervy viewers to jump into a prime-time show with some experienced players. It's not her fault she was born drop-dead gorgeous. But it does tell us a lot about the thinking behind the Molloy Boy production team.

OK, so I'm not happy with Nikki or Jackie O.

So who are re: soundings favourite women we would love to see on television? Below I've listed some favourite personalities/broadcasters/writers/comedians and other chicks we dig.

• Denise Scott


• Judith Lucy


• Kate McLennan


• Julie McCrossin


• Sam Lane


• Catherine Deveny


• Jennifer Byrne


• Meshel Laurie


• Fee Bamford-Bracher


• Kate Langbroek


• George McEncroe


• Bev Killick


• Kim Hope


• Myf Warhurst


• Sonia Kruger


• Fiona O'Loughlin


• Libbi Gorr


• Cal Wilson

I have searched high and low to try and find some footage of Libbi Gorr in her Elle Mcfeast role from the Live and Sweaty days but alas no joy. Instead I'll leave you with this youtube clip of Max Sharam performing on Elle McFeast's show in 1998. More live music on tv will be addressed in another post.

NB: re: soundings will be returning to radio/streaming/podcasting reviewing very soon

The Notion of The Nation (part 2)

OK, this show didn’t suck the giant donkey balls I expected it to. But it wasn’t exactly a shining jewel in the Nein Kampf tiara either. Firstly one way to alienate a female audience is to have Ralph TV ads screening in the break. It shows what Nine is expecting of the audience – not much when it comes to brainpower but packing a fair bit of heat in the pants region.

First let's tackle the good parts of the show: Stephen Curry’s interview with Lisa McCune was great. When I saw Lisa McCune was to be a guest I cringed, 'wheel out an Australian sweetheart with her swag of Logies'. But she was fantastic. Curry played the pretentious fool perfectly, in the style of Ben Stiller or Owen Wilson, except better.

I like Tiffany Cherry. She's gorgeous and she knows what she's talking about - which is sport.

Akmal Saleh was alright in his chat at the desk moment. I am assuming this sit and natter over current events will have a revolving chair - otherwise Gary Eck is rooted.

Now let's look at the less than good parts of the show: Jackie O's segment. This whole spot of celebrity twitter reeks of bunging in a bit for the ladies. I believe the convo went something like this:

Molloy Boy 1: We need some chick stuff.
Molloy Boy 2: What about some celebrity crap? Chicks really dig that shit.
Molloy Boy 3: Yeah, we can show grabs of Hollywood vaginas and everything.
Molloy Boy 1: Sounds perfect.
Molloy Boy 2: We'll need a chick to host it.
Molloy Boy 3: Who's got big tits and has been on telly lately?
Molloy Boy 1 & 2: Fifi Box
Molloy Boy 3: We tried her but apparently she's got like...integrity or shit.
Molloy Boy 1: Fuck that for a joke. Who looks good and hasn't got any integrity?
Molloy Boy 1 & 2 & 3: Jackie O!!!!

I don't know how much of Jackie O's bit was devised by her and how much was directed by the production team but this is what it included:

• Paris Hilton in jail


• Britney Spears in an unflattering bikini shot (Molloy makes joke about applying spray tan via chopper)


• Lindsay Lohan attempts suicide with panadol (all around mirth)

Way to go guys, let's celebrate women on The Nation by making fun of their bodies, brushes with law and serious depression. Code Beyond Blue alert. Next time just wheel in the barrel of fish and the guns.

The highlight was a snippet of comedic rebel Sarah Silverman hosting the MTV awards.

Tips for improvement:

• Get some female writers, and while you're at it grab some perspective guys


• Get some female comedians - why are the guys all comedians but not the women?


• Lose the gossip spot


• Get out and about and do some vox pops


• Nicki Osbourne? What's the point? (more on this later)

Here's the best bit of the show with Stephen Curry and Lisa McCune:

And here's the second best bit of the show, a snippet of Sarah Silverman hosting the MTV awards:

Current Favourite Radio Personality - Peter Grace

Peter Grace, the first voice heard on commerical FM radio in Australia and former producer of the Martin Molloy radio show has been popping up as a guest co-host on Get This with Tony Martin on Triple M. Grace has been making quite an impact on youtube with his clips that include some stand-up comedy, some political swipes at the Australian and US government and some intelligent rants against anything else he finds annoying.





His subscriber name is whaddyareckon. I reckon he's alright.

Check out some of his sweet whinges here, or watch below:

Photo of Peter Grace circa 1978 from Debbie Kruger's website

The Notion of The Nation

I've already had my bit to say about the lack of women on television at the moment. And plenty of other people have been talking about Mick Molloy's The Nation and the probability that it will tank. However, I look forward to checking it out and seeing if it sucks nearly as much as I expect it will.

In the meantime I have been sent a sneak peek of the show and their attitudes towards the gentle sex.* Check it:




This may not be from the actual show.