Does the Beard Maketh the Mirth?

UK comedian Daniel Kitson has had a long-standing dislike for The Age's backpage dirt-dishers, Diary. Rumour has it that it all started when Suzanne Carbone approached Kitson to chat about an article she was writing about comedians with beards. Or funny beards. Or men having fun with beards.

Perhaps it was part of a series linking humour to hair? Later columns were to look at the power of laughter when linked to baldness, brazilian waxes and troll dolls.

I never read the article. Maybe it was never written. I can only try and recreate it visually here and test Carbone's theory that men with beards are funny.


First sample: Daniel Kitson

"I ate your thesaurus and all I got was this voluminous vocabulary and
perspicacious wit!"

So far, so good. Let's test it again with the thinking latte-sipping left-leaning woman's sexy-man and former bed-pimp, Rod Quantock.

Hey, Rod Quantock certainly supports Carbone's theory.

Let's give philosophical carrot-lover Dave Callan a crack.

Don't mind if I do Dave.

But wait, what if the beard is worn by a man who ISN'T a fully-fledged comedian? Will he still be funny?

ABC 774 broadcaster Jon Faine slides into the test tube. He is a man with a beard after all.

Hmmmm, he has his moments but he kind of lost me at the "Take my mother-in-law..." bit.



Alright, so what happens if you add a beard to someone not renowned for their wit? Does he instantly become funny?

"I’ve never believed in lower wages. Never. Never believed in lower wages, I’ve
never believed in lower wages as an economic instrument."

"I'd like to be seen as an average Australian bloke. I can't think of... I can't
think of a nobler description of anybody than to be called an average Australian
bloke."

"We won't just automatically click our heels and follow the Americans."

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhh, my sides just split!