Finding it hard to care...

You've no doubt heard by now that Vega has announced the 2008 breakfast line-up which includes Ian "I'm Dicko, I'm rootable" Dickson, Dave "Pass me the parma" O'Neil and Chrissie "Reality TV got me here" Swan.

I could waffle on about Melbourne radio and the exciting new breakfast teams that are soon to be unleashed on the Melbourne audience but it would all be a lie. Buy yourself a few good cd's and a comfy hammock for Christmas and enjoy the break.

I'm having a break from blogging to work on more lucrative projects, ie: get paid to write. However, I am still interested in reading yours. See you in the comments section.

Catherine Deveny - It IS her fault

You've heard of Catherine Deveny haven't you?

Loud-mouthed bogan from Coburg. ABC Melbourne radio afternoon fill-in for Richard Stubbs. Television and Opinion writer for The Age. Officially one of Melbourne's 100 Most Influential People. WHEN WILL THIS GIRL STOP? WHEN HER HEAD IS PLASTERED ON THE SIDE OF A SYDNEY ROAD TRAM?

Maybe you live overseas or interstate and haven't had the chance to cast your eye over her smart-arsed motor-mouthed diatribes. For people like you, or for those of you who like nothing better than reading the lucid thoughts of the northern suburbs' favourite crazy lady - I highly recommend Deveny's latest book, "It's Not My Fault They Print Them", published by Black Inc.

The collection features pieces Deveny has written about television (and anything she else she feels like) for The Age over recent years. To be honest I am a Deveny fan, I always flick to the back page of the A2 on Saturdays to find out which show she is carving up with the skill of a samurai (s)wordsmith and my Wednesday morning is not complete without a bowl of muesli, a good scream at the kids and 10 minutes with Deveny and her take on anything that gets her goat.

I could waffle on but let's face it, if you've found your way to this page you have no doubt already formed your opinion and you're either in Team Dev or Team Bolt. I'm just going to throw it over to Deveny to show us he wares. Below please find my favourite lines from the book:

The Grand Prix: "Knuckle-dragging petrol heads, anorexic bottle-blondes marinated in fake tan and middle-aged blokes with man boobs and pimples on their arses paying exorbitant amounts of money to watch cars go fast. What a disgrace. It's no wonder I drink."

Channel 9: "Put me on the Nine board. I'll be boning faster than a butcher's apprentice on Friday arvo."

Vasectomy: "I've made a living out of my own genitals being mutilated for the last seven years, thank you very much."

Valentine's Day: "You were in love once but when you brought them home to meet the family they carved their name in your dad's forehead."

McLeod's Daughters: "If you like your acting like your tables, wooden and with four legs, tune into Mcleod's Daughters."

The Footy Show: "Sit down, shut up and hang on. And ladies bring a plate."

Nick Giannopoulos: "You are like the Daryl Somers of wogs. Like him, you take everything far too seriously. Where's your sense of humour?"

I could give you some more but don't be a cheapskate - go and buy the book yourself. Please enjoy the artwork I have prepared in Catherine's honour.

Mixing it up with the Hoare-Whisperer

Melbourne's Mix FM looks likely to break with usual breakfast radio tradition and deviate from the unofficial One Lady Policy (OLP). The OLP has only been broken once before in Melbourne in recent years when Vega cobbled together a team at the time of the launch. The original Vega breakfast team consisted of three very talented performers (Denise Scott, Beverly O'Connor, Shaun Micallef) who had absolutely no chemistry together.

More thought has gone into Mix FM's 2008 line up which is rumoured to include three former Austereo personalities. The trio will be replacing the poorly performing double act of Tracey Bartram and Tim Smith.

In other news, George McEncroe finished up a three-year stint with The Cage last Friday. Some of her highlights can be heard here. McEncroe's final show celebrated the end of the season with an outside broadcast and the launch of the Youngcare Apartments. Plenty of well-wishers posted their adoration on George's Blog and hundreds turned up to bid her farewell but McEncroe knew she had made it when a very special guest arrived. Not content to interrupt Ashes Cricket Matches, the Melbourne Cup and Michael Hutchence's funeral serial pest Peter Hoare dropped in to interrupt proceedings in his own inimitable way.

In other radio news:

Triple J have decided on a new female breakfast co-host to replace Myf Warhurst. Expect an announcement next week.

Vega's breakfast team is still unsettled with former Big Brother housemate and DMG favourite Chrissie Swan a very likely starter. Dave O'Neil is apparently still considering whether he will continue with the station.

Age columnist and professional Melbourne shit-stirrer Catherine Deveny will be filling in for Richard Stubbs in the afternoon 1-3pm slot from 3 December for two weeks.

Andrew Bolt sent the following message in for Deveny:

Chuck it to me...

This is definitely off-topic for me and this blog but I am pretty sure I know who has Gilchrist's ball. When and if that person decides to do the right thing, you will be the first to know.

Triple M Music Jury Dismissed

In a stunning about-face the judge residing over the Get This murder trial has dismissed members of the Triple M Music Jury. At 9 am yesterday the judge ordered the removal of jury foreman Wayne “Hando” Hando after hearing strong allegations that “Hando” Hando had been taking bribes from the Nickelback fan club and had spent seven years serving as a cadet in the Kiss Army.

The Judge, Brian Jonestown of the Massacre Supreme Court, made his decision in closed chambers, offered no explanation when he announced the ruling in open court then sealed the record that holds the discussion and notes surrounding the decision.

“Hando” Hando is in his mid-forties, has extensive experience in the building industry and had a penchant for eating KFC zinger wings throughout the trial. “Hando” Hando is the third person to be dismissed from the jury since the murder trial of Get This, just under two years old, began five weeks ago.

The dismissal of “Hando” Hando follows the removal on Tuesday of Mike “Frangers” Franger, who was dismissed for engaging in undisclosed misconduct. Legal experts said they suspected that “Frangers” Franger, who is 35 to 45 years old, might have done some of his own research, which could have involved a number of possibilities, including listening to credible music programming on both Triple R and PBS community radio stations in Melbourne.

Dismissal of the three jury members has seen a controversial shift in music programming throughout the 2-4 pm time slot. Songs from Lou Reed’s legendary Transformer album and cult hits from Britpop pioneers The Members have recently been heard.

Triple M Program Director Guy “Dobson” Dobson has found the process tumultuous. “Dobson” Dobson says: “These are confusion times for us at Austereo. It has been chaorific, we prefer our music bland-on-bland - not something for enjoyancing.”

Face Off

My days aren't all about wasting time getting into arguments on internet forums or playing online scrabble - I do actually like to do something useful every now and again. Take facebook for instance, you know you can spend hours in that joint only to leave with nothing more than the knowledge that you have successfully blocked your stalkerish ex-boyfriend and that challenge games are crap.

One of the areas of great interest to me though are the groups. Pick a topic, any topic and there's bound to be a facebook group dedicated to celebrating or denigrating it.

Triple M's Get This has motivated plenty of action in the groups area. Below are a list of just some of the groups you can join.

Global Movement to Save Get This: 937 members

This is brought to you by the same people who coordinated a rally in Melbourne on 05 November and are planning a farewell party on the day of final broadcast on 23 November. There is even a rally planned for this Saturday in London - I'm sure 50 Aussies toting green and gold backpacks will have the Austereo management reversing their decision immediately. You can jump on one of the discussion boards where folks chat about torrents and seeding - I don't know if they are discussing IVF, equine flu or their own l33t skilz.

They also offer a link to the online petition with over 7600 signatures to date. With comments like this:

MATT FROM MARSLAND
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT WENT FISHING WITH 5 GUYS.... SHE WENT HOME WITH A RED SNAPPER!!!

and signatures from Steven Seagal, Harry Manbag and Bob Franklin's mother who "suggested he should go back to England you boring little knob" I can't see this one being enough to sway our truly favourite knob, Guy Dobson.

Stop MMM Axing Get This: 391 members

Maybe these guys organised the rally - if not they certainly have photos of it.

GET THIS '07: Save 'Get This'!!!! Common Triple M... move to Drive time!!! 304 members

This is the group you join if you like exclamation points!!!!!! or can't spell come on!!!!!!!!!!!

and then there's:

Save TripleM's 'Get This' : 682 members

Tony Martin;s 'Get This' is bloody awesome: 770 members

Get This - Tony Martin, Ed Kavalee and Richard Marsland Appreciation Society: 404 members

Ed Kavalee is a Spunk: 103 members

Get This Appreciation Society: 134 members

SAVE GET THIS: 59 members

The Get This fanclub: 23 members

Don't let Triple M axe Get This: 23 members

Save Triple M's Get This: 12 members

and the Newcastle team have the Triple M's 'Get This' Appreciation: 16 members on this one they note the show is hosted by Tony "Saprano" Martin [these guys should be whacked just for that]

In the meantime I have enjoyed sending friend requests to any Australian minor celebrity I can find and thought you may like to know the results:

Ernie Sigley added me no questions asked.

Yahoo Serious sent me a question: "who are you?" Well Yahoo, millions of people are wondering the same of you.

Warwick Capper, Derryn Hinch and someone else I have forgotten are yet to respond.

But the highlight of this experience came just this week when I received this message:

Tom Piotrowski has just compared you with one of his friends and thinks you have a better sense of humor.

If you have any suggestions for other celebs I should hassle please let me know, otherwise I'll be online creating the Guy Dobson facebook group.

Pearls of Wisdom

In this article Austereo's program director Guy Dobson suggests that Tony Martin's very funny two hour ratings winner Get This may still be in with a chance. Whether Martin wants to continue with Triple M is another matter.

Dobson also talks up the Melbourne breakfast crew for 2008, Pete "Laughs on Me" Hellier and Myf Warhurst.

"There was a great deal of chemistry when we met with Myf," he says. "She'll certainly pass the muster on air. There was total relatability (sic)."

Intrigued by Dobson's free form use of the English language I tracked him down to learn more.*

L: You have said that on meeting Myf Warhurst that there was "total relatability". What does that mean?

GD: What do you think it means? Of course it means that we could relate to her. There was an affinitivity between us.

L: An affinitivity?

GD: Yes, we feel she brings a connectionitive spirit and is identifising for our target audience. Look Woman, don't you get it?

L: Did you just call me "Woman"?

GD: Of course not, I'm not racist.

L: I'm interested to know your thoughts on the Get This team.

GD: Well, they are certainly very enthusiastical which we like. But at times they have displayed just too much tangentialness.

L: I see. There has been some discussion that you didn't like Ed Kavalee's digs at other Austereo team members. What's the problem there?

GD: Three words: Got. Cha. Calls.

L: And Tony Martin has been critical of the Triple M playlist?

GD: I admit that I don't like the way Tony displays such judgementalness towards our playlist and his claims that the playlist is limited is unfair.

L: How would you describe your playlist?

GD: It's very diversic, it's Nickelbackian and Wang Chungified; you can't get better than that.

L: Thank you for your time.

* Or perhaps I just made it up.